Dating my husband while separated

I was the reason my wife of 14 years and I separated.

I could try to convince you otherwise, and probably do a good job (I’m a writer), but I will be honest and say that I was a jerk for most of those 14 years.

We were both hesitant to get into something romantic right away given his situation, but after 3 weeks of hanging out 3-4 days a week just as friends (no touching, just hours and hours of fun and deep conversation) we kissed and became a couple.

We have the same values, future plans/goals, hobbies, etc.

Ignoring my problems would not make them any less acute.

Year after year I tried to pretend life was good or that at some other point in my life, I would “get it together.” That day never seemed to come, and the problems got bigger.

I didn't know how to fix the problems, but ignoring them made everything worse ... Then, when we separated, I was forced to admit all of the things I had control over that I was deliberately denying to myself.

I was then able to sit down and figure out how I could make changes to myself, and then to our relationship.

The first step in fixing any problem is acknowledging the problem exists.

In relationships, a lot of times the problem is with us, not our partner.

The thing is this: We are both in our early 30’s…I have never been married, he was married for 5 years, together for 10.

They met young and had totally different views on everything.

I moved in with a friend and was still too selfish to realize the most precious thing in my life was slipping away.

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