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If someone is having sex with you and they’re not interested or they don’t want to have a relationship, it’s because in their mind it’s a casual relationship.

They may overvalue what they bring to the table and assume that because they’re having a good time, that you’ll be just oh so grateful to have them break you off a piece.

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You want to progress things and there is a niggling concern that they’re using you for sex, although you really don’t want to see it this way.

Every time these thoughts creep in, you remind yourself of when you were laughing a few weeks ago, or when you they talked about stuff they’d like to do with you (but have made no moves to), or when they said that they really enjoy your company.

It’s also a case of why endanger the good time…and why create conflict, so they say nothing.

Experience has also taught me that people who claim to ‘change their mind’ and say nothing, weren’t genuinely in the market for something more.

To be fair though, I receive thousands of emails each year from readers who are told all manner of variations of “I don’t want a relationship” or “I’m unavailable” or “I’m not interested/a jackass”…and they ignore it. Because they focus on the action and think “Well we’re having sex, they still text me, and we have so much fun together so obviously they do want a relationship.” No they don’t – actions and words must match. So many people ask me “Why are they still having sex with me then?

” ‘Having’ is like implying like you have nothing to do with it.“I’m having a really good time you know, but let’s not ruin things. “Well…I just don’t want you to get all serious on me, because being honest with you, I’m not really looking for a relationship right now… ” Er, well no it’s not OK but what the hell are you supposed to say when you’re lying there naked in a room that reeks of sex?Let’s just go with the flow.” You suddenly feel exposed and vulnerable. As I type these words, more than a few people out there are having sex with someone who they have more than a casual interest in, who is not interested in a relationship or isn’t even that interested in them.Picture this (adopts Sophia from Golden Girls voice): You’re attracted to someone.You think they’re funny, clever, witty, they embody all of the physical qualities that you like, and seem to share a few of your common interests and possess a similar outlook.But once you discover that someone’s interest isn’t mutual and that they don’t want the relationship you want, it’s time to pull your pants up and flush them out of your life.

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