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A “you are like that, and that’s bad.” The concepts of good and bad within Indian society, particularly when it comes to women and girls, are built around virtue. This is widely known to be the case in India itself, where women’s lives and choices are largely restricted and controlled supposedly for their own safety.But in reality, these protections are meant to hinder their sexual freedom, not ensure their overall wellbeing.We make it easy for you to find mixed race singles who want to date.

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This may sound extreme, but it’s the reality I lived.

I undoubtedly stood out in this context – ashy knees in the winter, unruly mane of thick, black hair in a sea of pale midriffs and near-ubiquitous gold or platinum highlights – but I was also invisible.

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The silence around female sexuality – everything from the onset of puberty to reproductive health to attitudes about sexual activity – is common in Indian American homes.

And then young people take this with them into their personal and social lives, carrying stigmas about sex and judgment for those who break the rules.

In this way, I was able to make the connection, even if only in the periphery of my adolescent mind, about what it was about me that was wrong.

The curves of my face, my boisterous personality – versus many other Indian girls’ reserved studiousness – and my avid obsession with making mix tapes off of Hot 97: to other Indians, these things indicated something unrespectable and, indirectly, sexual about me.

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Similarly, the Indian American community and its values are not far off from this culture.

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